I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
