I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
