As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
