How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize