is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
