therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
