took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
