I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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