ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
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