apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
