I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
