There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
