Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
