At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
