yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
