WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
