I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
