The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
