Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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