I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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