I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
