I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
