Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize