she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So much rum. So many feels.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
