Jerry, you need to find god
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
