You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
