If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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