Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
