All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
