clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
