You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
