I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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