Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
