dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
