if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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