cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
