I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
