we have pet lesbian snakes
worst night to have a conscience
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
