I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
