Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I woke up under a house in Key West
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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