So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
