i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize