Rock
Scissors
Fuck
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
