Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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