Cold hands, warm shart.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
