And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
