I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
