Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
