Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
