I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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