Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
accomplished twins. life is a go
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
