I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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