I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
