i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
