I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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