I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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