How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
