accomplished twins. life is a go
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize