apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
