Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
