Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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