I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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