After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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