Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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