There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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