you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
