Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
