I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
