Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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