i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
